


Count your life by smiles, not tears

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Suicide mention, birthday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 13:17:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: It's Robert's birthday, but there's something on Aaron's mind.





	Count your life by smiles, not tears

**Author's Note:**

> So since I realised that Robert's birthday falls on the same date that Aaron tried to commit suicide I've wanted to write something but never got round to it. This is hastily written so apologies and it was meant to be a lot fluffier but it's me so the angst crept in.

Everything had been perfect. He’d been woken up by Seb gently patting his cheek, Aaron’s muffled laughter in the background. He’d made his son join in by pretending to bite his hand.

Aaron had cooked one of his fry ups and it was just the three of them, Gerry making himself scarce. He didn’t mind the lad in all honesty, but sometimes he could be just that little too much. Today he just wanted it to be them. Neither of them mentioned the empty chair, where Liv should be, teasing him about getting old. They were seeing her on Tuesday, it would have to wait until then.

“So, come on, I know you. You have something planned.” He asked as he slid his knife and fork together, ignoring the twitch he got when Aaron just left his any old how on the plate.

“You said you didn’t want anything, and besides we’re not exactly flush right now, but you’ve got me, and him all day.” He leans over to peck him on the cheek and bop Seb on the end of his nose before getting up and clearing the plates. He does come back though, a small smile crossing his face. “Like I wouldn’t get you anything. Happy birthday.” He kisses him as he hands over a card.

He rips into it, helped by Seb grabbing at it. It’s typical Aaron, no fancy words, just a multicoloured happy birthday on the front and a ‘love Aaron’ on the inside. 

“I love you.”

“It’s just a card.”

“Yeah, from you.” He sighs, can’t quite work out what’s wrong. “We don’t have to do anything big...how about the three of us go for a walk? I’ve got to call in on Vic, or she’ll go mad at me, but after...”

“Yeah, course. You wanna go see the sheep at Aunty Moira’s Seb? Hmm? Then maybe lunch?” He’s staring at Robert but if he had to guess he’d say his mind is elsewhere. “Call Vic, tell her we’ll be round this afternoon.”

“Yes sir.” He gets to his feet, Seb clutching at his shoulder babbling away to himself. “You’re alright, aren’t you?”

“Course I am. Go get him ready while I wash these.” He’s not the slightest bit convincing but after everything that’s happened he can’t really complain.

He dresses Seb in the bright yellow Giraffe trousers that Vic bought for him, handing them to him with a bright smile on her face, and the t-shirt to match that Aaron had bought on their trip to the zoo. If nothing else it’ll make him smile.

Aaron’s waiting at the bottom of the stairs when they go back down and he hands Seb to him while he grabs spare bottles and everything else that Seb might need. Babies don’t travel light. He can’t help watching the two of them, Seb chuckling as Aaron pulls faces and he still doesn’t know how he gets to have this, a family.

“Ready?”

Aaron doesn’t put Seb in the pram like he expects, he carries him, letting him look around taking in everything around him, leaving Robert to push the empty pram. 

“And up there is where Daddy’s friend Vanessa lives. She’s going out with your Aunty Charity. Now listen to me because this is important...we don’t let Charity get us into any schemes yeah?”

“Oh I don’t know...one of them had a pretty good result.” 

“Like you wouldn’t have found me anyway?” Robert just shakes his head, glad that the mood has lifted a bit. As they carry on he can’t help but frown when he passes the garage without a word, just a glance and a pause in his steps. “Didn’t you forget something?”

“What?”

“The garage?”

“No.” He doesn’t look at him, just puts Seb into the pram, a finger brushing his cheek before he’s walking off and Robert has to hurry to catch him.

“Aaron, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. We going to Moira’s or what?”

He doesn’t say anything else, knows when Aaron’s like this he might as well not bother for a while. The walk is only broken by the little noises Seb makes to himself and at least Aaron smiles at him. 

They have fun though in the end, Aaron showing Seb one of the tiny baby lambs, not much bigger than him. Robert just sits and watches, clutching the mug of tea that Moira brings him.

“I used to love this time of year. Probably the only bit of farming I did enjoy. My Dad would always let me feed them, the ones that got rejected.”

“There’s something about babies...and big babies. Look at him.” He smiles at the sight before him, Aaron with Seb in one arm, tiny lamb in the other, in his element. “Is he alright? With Liv and everything?”

“I think so. We’ll get through it...although he’s been a bit off today.”

“Have you asked him about it?”

“He just said nothing. You know Aaron.”

“Tell you what, let me take Seb for a while, the two of you can talk in peace. Faith’s inside, he’ll be fine with us.” He senses that there’s more than she’s letting on but he sets his mug down on the wall and heads over to Aaron.

“Which one of you was this visit for exactly?” Aaron looks sheepish, and Robert can’t help laughing to himself at the pun, before taking Seb. “Moira said she and Faith will watch him for a bit, so me and you can talk.”

“What about?”

“You tell me.” He leaves him to put the lamb back in the pen and hands his son over to Moira and then they’re wandering out of the yard into the fields. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”

“I did. There’s nothing.”

“Aaron, can we not...I know something’s bothering you. Is it Liv? Is it me?”

“It’s not you, I promise, or Liv.” With that he’s wandering off again, leaving Robert bewildered. He’s perched on a wall by the time he reaches him. “Where were you eight years ago?”

“Uh...London. I think I’d just started working for Lawrence. Probably off spending my first salary for my birthday. Why?”

“It was there when I woke up but...walking past, with you, and Seb, made me realise...if they hadn’t found me, got me out...” All of a sudden he gets it. He knows what happened but they’ve never talked about it, not in any way he wants to remember anyway. 

“Aaron...it was today?” How had it not come up before? Then again last year he was more interested in making Aaron happy, after everything and the year before that his birthday had fallen by the wayside, more important things to be dealt with. 

“Yeah. I’ve never really thought about it before. Like I said just...made me realise everything I would never have had.” He sniffs and Robert wraps an arm round him, pulling him closer. “Sorry.”

“Don’t. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“It’s your birthday and I’ve been so distracted I...”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ve got you, and two months ago I thought I would never be holding you close like this ever again, so I don’t care if you didn’t get me anything or whatever. I’ve got everything I want.”

“You’re a bloody soppy git sometimes.”

“You love it. Are you really alright?” He feels him nod against his collarbone and holds him tighter, doesn’t want to let him go.

“I am. Just sometimes I remember how I felt back then, what I did and it gets on top of me.”

“You can talk to me whenever you need.” He sees him wipe his eyes, “I know I’ve not always been the most...”

“Stop it.” He pulls away, jumping down from the wall, “Right, go and rescue Seb from my Gran and I’ll take you for lunch. Only the pub, but it’s better than me cooking.” The sudden mood change has him worried but Aaron’s smiling.

“Are you sure?”

“Go on. I’ll be there in a minute.” He does as he’s told, finds Seb being bounced gently on Faith’s knee.

“Aaron ok?” Moira asks and he nods.

“Yeah, he’s good. Er, thanks for...”

“No need. Go on, maybe we’ll see you in the pub later?” He nods again, although he really just wants to go home, make the most of a nearly empty house.

Aaron’s waiting outside when he’s collected Seb and all his stuff and he looks better, lighter. They take their time, going the long way round, enjoying the sunshine. It must be an hour before they get to the village, and he’s more than ready for a pint by the time they reach the pub.

“Right, so...it’s not much but it was the best I could do at short notice.”

“What are you on about?” He turns back to look at him, Seb in his arms again, as he goes to open the door to the pub.

“I can’t promise cake or candles, and usually it’d be a Dingle party...probably not a good idea right now, but...well...” He steps past and opens the door himself and Robert can see balloons and can already hear his sister’s voice.

The place isn’t full but everyone that he might want is there, Vic and Diane, Chas and a reasonably pleased looking Paddy. Vanessa and Charity are in the corner booth ignoring everyone. Even Bernice is at the far side of the bar with Kerry.

“You did this? When?”

“When you went to get this one. Everyone wanted to be here, Gran, Cain and Moira are coming too. You deserve this. You’re always putting me first, and Liv...this is your day. I’ve got him.” He nods at Seb. “Happy birthday, Robert.”


End file.
